It's my life...

24th August 2012... 04.42 am...

I feel like I've been hit with a hammer...

I feel like I've 'lost' a month of my life...

I have...

And more...

My physical progress has been put back almost to when I came out of hospital in 2010 after suffering a series of life threatening, traumatic illnesses...

Unfortunately, other very bad things happened...

What can I say? All of what I'm saying now is more words that weigh and haunt me... Yet I cannot let them go. They will remain with me for the rest of my life...

I've missed a lot; not least my grandmother's birthday; I may never get to see another... My daughter's worries with her job, university and having to watch her mum seriously ill again...

I should have been there for her not her worried sick about me...

The pain; f'ing pain!!!

Why do I get to go through so much pain?

The vulnerability of my physical conditions and constant anxiety in case I have a fall or injury...

The horrific realisation that even when I had a fall I was still extremely vulnerable... At the 'mercy' of some medical staff who thought they knew best...

I'm closing now before I say something I may not actually regret but might make me feel I'm weaker than others...

The BEEB...

F all on Saturday night bloody football or repeats! WTF do we pay a licence fee?

Everybody laughs...

Yet again, I am lost for my own; to me, little comforting words...

The last (x) years I really have tried and then some...

I've put everyone dear (DD) and not so dear; before myself; as I'm sure those of us us that know who we are...

Six years on and an extreme number of unbelievable series of life threatening illnesses/events do not come common or rare... They appear and get through them we have to...

At this moment I really have my near and dear (as well as the relevant hospital staff; those that made the REAL difference)...

This post will be updated as and when I have more information I can publish...xxx