Forgot?

How do you explain something so terrible, painful and frightening?

How do you 'forget' it?

What do you do when it comes back to smack you in the face?

I shouted drunkenly in the street at my 'nightmare'!!!

I said no so many times but he still took what he wanted...He hurt me so much physically and left me feeling scared and dirty in my own house...

Feel a lot of things today though, one is relief cos I thought something was wrong with me...Another is stupid cos I can't figure out how I could 'forget' something like that...

Am sitting here thinking that maybe it's because it was so bad that my mind just tried to shut it away from me, to protect me, if you like...

But something like that can't hide forever, as I found out last night. It has to come out or it would drive you slowly mad.

I been wondering why I've been feeling so wierd, now I know:(

I got all the usual racing through my mind now. Am having a major argument in my head:( I know what I should do, but I don't think I got the strength to do it at the mo, not with the shitty year I've had. I just know I couldn't deal with the stigma if he were to get off with it. I think it would be worse than hiding it.

Am I a coward? At the moment, yes!

I just want my life back.

I want to forget it all again now...

I want to enjoy Christmas with my daughter and then sort my life out ASAP!